An interesting article I read today, “To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This.” As a very quick summary, if you and another participate in a very in-depth Q&A session with a set of 36 specific question, followed by four minutes of uninterrupted eye gazing, you will essentially have created a love bond between you and the other.
I have to admit, I’m a little conflicted by this.
I keep thinking about this… it actually is bothering me. I mean, I know “love” is a complex combination of psychological triggers and connections mixed with chemical solvent like dopamine and oxytocin. What is “love” varies from person to person with different ratios of physical attraction, intellectual compatibility, emotional affect, etc. So I definitely believe this combination of in-depth Q&A and forced physical “intimacy” can very likely lead to feelings of love in some people.
But…it feels cynical. Even though I realize there’s nothing “magic” or supernatural or “spiritual” about love, and that love can be manipulated… It feels “wrong” to make it happen. (Except, I suppose, for couples/triads/etc. who may have fell in love at one time, have felt a growing apart, but have a sincere shared desire to respark that feeling.)
Even though there’s nothing literally magical about love, that connection, that development, that realization, is incredibly magical feeling. Like something that should left to happen naturally, else it violates the importance of that feeling, experience.
But then…on the other hand… why not?
I mean, love is amazing, beautiful, thrilling, fulfilling… It’s why many polyamorous people define themselves as poly in the first place: Love is amazing! Why limit yourself, and the other people in your life, in how much they can share that feeling?! Despite what some people would tell you, humans are a social animal, engineered by nature to bond with others and emotionally connect, share intimacies (in all ways that word means). If two or more people can mutually consensually and with sincere desire and intent, create a love bond between them, why not? Why deprive them (yourself) of that feeling? That amazing, awesome (truly), incredible feeling and sublime human connection? Even knowing it may be lifelong, or only last a week, why deprive another, or one’s self, love? Any love or significant and intimate bond? Wouldn’t the world be better with more love and less cynicism and separation? Walls and barriers?
This seems like an honest, mutual, eyes-open way to develop love… what could be better than that?